She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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