shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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