Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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