come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
