I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
