i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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