Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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