I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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