you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
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My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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