all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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