Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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