Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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