Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
