she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
