My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
