Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
