I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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