i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
