you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
