Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
