The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
