some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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