i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
