It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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