All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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