I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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