To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
