sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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