Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
