your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
