Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
