this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
