Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
