Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
