don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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