Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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