Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
