Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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