so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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