Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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