I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
