your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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