i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
