I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
