I will die if light touches me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
