I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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