Ambien. No doubt about it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
