I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I party with great urgency now.
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