Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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