mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
