And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
