It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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