Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
