i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
