first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
