I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
