The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
