I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
