I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
