and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
