im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
