When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
time to smoke my breakfast
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
