Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
