I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
