Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
