i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
