I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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