you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
