Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What drink are we having for lunch?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
