He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
