So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
