That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
