What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
