funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
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"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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