and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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