Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me