butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.