My friends, they love my intelligence
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up