How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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